Full Frontal Homosexuality*

Woke up at 9, then woke up again at 10.  Proceeded to call the doctor’s office only to walk into the office anyway to fill out forms so I can greet the doctor on Wednesday, which will lead to subsequent appointments that will give me drugs, blood tests, and physical examinations.  My parents were joking that it’s a shame that I’m gay or I’d actually enjoy the physical examinations with this doctor because she’s apparently very attractive.  We’ll just see about that.

I was on fire at work today.  On fire because I’m just so flaming when I’m walking (although it looks like strutting… you know how we are) while holding a silk wrap dress to give to a customer in a change room because I know it’ll look fabulous on her.  Somedays I wish I could work only men’s because it is so much easier to get what they want.  It falls into three categories:

  1. He knows what he wants, he picks it out, he may or may not try it on, he purchases it, he leaves the store.
  2. His girlfriend knows what he want, she picks it out for him, she makes him try it on, he purchases it, they leave the store.
  3. He has no idea what he wants or what he needs so he turns to me and says, “Do I want these pants?” and I say, “Yes.  Yes you do.  In size 34/32.  With this shirt, this polo, and your choice of cute argyle sweater or ultra-comfortable cashmere sweater.”, he tries it all on and loves it, he purchases it, he thanks me, gives me his number, and he leaves the store.**

With women, it’s much more complex than that, but way more fun.  I love fashion because you get to tell people what looks good on them and why.  The why part is the most fun because it’s like you’re revealing a little secret that only you and she should know.  Guys don’t care about why something looks good, they just care about whether it looks good or not.  Of course, I know there are exceptions to the rule (gays, metrosexuals***, straight men that do care) but for most, it’s a factor of getting what you want and getting out of the store.  Either way, I enjoy my job.

Well, time to watch Dan kill a moth.  They’re attracted to flames… no wonder it’s in the same room as me.  Ah, it’s dead.  Thank god.  I’m not a big fan of insects when they are not in their natural habitat.

Tomorrow I am going on an adventure to do the following: get a police check for school, perform at an Open Mic**, drive Parental Unit #1 to the airport, get my party booked at Wish (more info on that tomorrow), and enjoy my day off.

* – As I was writing this post, a lot of gay jokes just came out of nowhere.  It’s usually not like this, I swear.

** – This did happen today, except for the number part.  Plus he was straight.  Dressing up people is fun.

*** – I’ve searched on the dictionary and the encyclopedia but they both give me different spellings… is it metrosexual or meterosexual? Open Mic or Open Mike? The Internet has failed me in giving a proper answer.  Did you know that the Internet deserves capitalization? It never hit me until now.  Now I sound like I don’t speak English enough and way gayer than usual.  Post ends here.

One thought on “Full Frontal Homosexuality*

  1. […] July 15, 2008 Posted by Edward in Life. trackback I only did 2 out of the 4 things I mentioned yesterday: sent in my police check and drove my mother to the airport.  I called Wish today and […]

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