The Snoring Saga

My boyfriend said something very interesting in our phone conversation last night.  He would unknowingly contribute to today’s (or is it still night?) post.  Thanks babe.  You’re fantastic.

He said: “The time between 4 and 6 is the worst time to wake up.” I’m going to have to disagree.  The worst time to wake up is 3:22am, which is the time I woke up this morning.  If you remember reading in my last post (which I only posted 5 hours ago), the group has to be ready to leave the house at 6:10, which means waking up at 5:30.  Why am I up so early? Because of my lovely room-mate.  I don’t think I have mentioned it yet, but just so the whole Internet knows, he snores.  Loudly.  Constantly.  With no end in sight.

He has told me that he has tried Breathe-Right strips and they don’t work.  My brother told me to tape a tennis ball to his lower back so he can’t sleep on his back, thus stopping his snoring.  This won’t be effective.  He just doesn’t snore when he’s laying on his back.  He snores all the time.

My annoyances with him do not stop at snoring, oh no.  He doesn’t know how to close a door, only how to leave a door ajar (especially the molding storage room door, which is open constantly).  He chews with his mouth open.  I can hear the smacking noise he makes when he talks or when he has food in his mouth.  He has no volume control when it comes to talking on a phone.

He leaves his laptop running all night, which causes it to overheat and crash, thus loading Windows Vista and making me hear (I shouldn’t be hearing anything because I should be asleep) the opening sound over and over again.  Last night I kicked his mattress (we sleep in bunk beds.  I’m on the bottom) and said, “Take your laptop out of this room, please and thank you.” Apparently I can still be polite when I haven’t gone to sleep an hour after he had (and I even had a head start tonight.  Jeff can testify to that).  Much to my happiness, he didn’t come back into the room after he took out his laptop (this is rare).  He scratches his back with a back scratcher (which means dead skin in the bedroom.  I told him to go scratch in the bathroom, where dead skin belongs).  He breathes very deeply and loudly.  I could go on.

Just so I can put this into perspective for you, let me break down a usual night in my room: It will be around 11ish and I will be done talking on the phone with Jeff.  I set my alarm for whatever time I need to be awake at the next day, plug it into the charger, and lay my head down for sleep.  My roomie will arrive in the room 30 minutes or later to go to bed (he does yoga exercises to help his sleep).  I hear him open the door, his feet shuffling into the room, take off his shirt and then shuffle back out the door (left ajar), to go to the washroom to go scratch his back, use the toilet, and sometimes wash his hands (this house has great acoustics). 

Some nights he won’t even return to the room until 20 minutes after he has last entered it.  That means 20 minutes of a door being open and sound entering the room.  That means 20 minutes of light flooding the bedroom.  That means 20 minutes of me without sleep.  So I shut the door with emphasis to let him know that I do not like the door being open.  When he finally does come back into the room, he takes off the rest of his clothes (save his underwear), gets on the top bunk, and sleeps. 

Within 5 minutes of hitting his head on the pillow he is snoring.  So I punch/kick the mattress to get him to stop (he has given me verbal invitations to do this if I hear him snoring) and for a brief, shining moment, he does.  Then I will hear him mutter something in his sleep and feel the bed shift as he changes his sleeping position and the snoring resumes once more. 

Sometimes it will start quietly with a whimper and a clicking (How do you click in your sleep?) and then build up to a full on train-passing-through-a-tunnel loud snore.  Sometimes it stays at a volume of only loud breathing.  Sometimes it starts at forte and decrescendos to a mezzo-piano.  Either way, it’s certainly dynamic, and it’s certainly annoying. 

I have told my room-mate about every single one of these habits of his, and if you know me, when I tell you something, it is not subtle.  That’s just not how I roll.  Despite my efforts I am sleep deprived and really fucking pissed (pardon my french).  Maybe I can get a Katima-sabbatical for my sleep deprivation? I will admit that I am a light sleeper and I hate the feeling of ear plugs.  But I am a veteran when it comes to dealing with snoring (my parents are long time snorers as well), so what’s a guy to do? Write a blog post about it at 3:39 am.

Good morning.

P.S. I can’t even sleep on the couch tonight because we have another Katima-group over sleeping in our living room and french room.  This shall pass.

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6 thoughts on “The Snoring Saga

  1. RJ March says:

    I linked you via Alex Chee, on whom I have a crush. I was surprised to see my blog in your blog roll. You are sneaky! And I like what I’ve read so far. Where’s your bf? Reading this entry reminded me of one I used to have, whom I would have to call because he lived 3 hours away. I moved across the country and he still lives three hours away– go figure.

    Later, man.

  2. Jeffrey says:

    Wow…. And I was joking about waking you up at 3:30am, turns out you would have already been up. Maybe you should get some Nyquil to battle that cold and lack of sleeping. Becasue you knoe “Good nights mean good mornings”.. or maybe that’s Pampers…

  3. Edward says:

    I’ve been taking Robitussen (cherry flavor, oh so yummy in the tummy) and drinking lots of hot lemon water (poor man’s Neocitran). Does a body become tolerant to taking the same drug for 5 days? If so, then I guess I should head to a Jean Coutu and buy some Nyquil.

    “GoodNites mean good mornings” comes from GoodNites, which is made by Pampers I believe. (After a wiki search, it is actually made by Huggies. But I did discover that Pampers in Asia has an elephant mascot named Pampa (Bang Bang in Chinese). Random, no?)

  4. Edward says:

    When I like what I read, I blogroll it. I like what I read in your blog, so there you are.

    My boyfriend is in the comments. He lives in Toronto. I would love to be sleeping in his bed instead of a Katima-bed, but that’s Katima-life. He doesn’t snore.

    It sucks that a bf of yours still ended up being far away even though you made the effort to move. Usually people meet halfway when it comes to actions like that.

    Thanks for the compliments, I appreciate it.

  5. […] from The Hills Watching Extravaganza I have come to terms with my room-mate’s snoring habit. I figure that he gets what is coming to him because when I want to stop him from snoring, I have […]

  6. […] to).  I can sleep in a Queen sized bed and on real honest-to-goodness mattresses without hearing a certain person snore! I don’t need to worry about getting sick because there’s another person in the house […]

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